Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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