she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
