But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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