You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
