This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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