ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
