Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
