'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
