exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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