I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
