oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
