Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
