I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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