youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Congratulations! We have a period
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize