Can Purell be used as lube?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
