a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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