He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I love you. Go after that dick
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