im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
