I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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