I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
A bitchslap is in order.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
