Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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