Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
