I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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