Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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