Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
