That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
