Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
