That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
