from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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