I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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