sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize