Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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