I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
