So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
