JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
