How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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