I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
