is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
