Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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