mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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