how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
