I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
