1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
