Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
