She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my shit smells like andre
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
