I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
