What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
