I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
