I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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