"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
