Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
