Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
