hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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