at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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